Here's what I want . . .

I want to keep eating what I'm eating. 
I want to keep busy doing all the things I'm doing.
I want to keep the same job, and all my plans for the future.
I want to keep living where I'm living. 
I want to stay married to the person I'm married to.
I want to keep all my fat friends and fat family.
I want everybody to love me just the way I am.
The truth is, I don't want anything in my life to change.

Oh, except I want to lose 60 pounds and keep it off.

The truth is . . .

That will never happen.

We talk about "trying a diet" as if it might work, or it might not, when the only real question is whether or not we'll stick with it.

There are several good eating plans out there that will result in weight loss.  Low fat works, low carb works, simple calorie reduction works.

It's not the diet - it's the person on the diet.

So how do I lose the weight?

You have to be willing to change.  Not just the size of your body, but many other things in your life. 

Often, overweight people feel like they don't have what it takes to lose weight.  To start with, they don't have the motivation. They want to lose weight, but obviously not enough to do anything about it.  This is how they feel.

But that may not be true.

The truth is - you probably have plenty of motivation - and you do have what it takes to lose weight - but you also have plenty of obstacles in your way. 

Keep reading.

What's the secret?

The secret is not about any specific diet.  Researchers have spent several decades and millions of dollars looking for the best weight loss diet.  They have come up with several very good ones.  Pick and choose and find one you like.

But that's not the secret.

The secret is - You can't lose a significant amount of weight, and keep it off, without also making major changes in other areas of your life.

For some people, a significant amount might be 150 pounds. For other people, a significant amount might be 25 pounds. Whatever it is for you, other changes will be needed.

What kind of change do you mean?

We like to think that everybody loves us unconditionally, and will continue to love us no matter what. Unconditional love does happen sometimes, but most of our relationships do have conditions.  A very common condition is, "Don't change anything.  You and I should both stay just the way we are."

This doesn't mean things always have to be good. 
Many people will stick with us through good times and bad.

But not many people will stick with us through thick and thin. 
They can handle the thick, but not the thin.

Why do other people resist our losing weight?

Let's put aside political correctness for a minute and tell the truth.  Throughout the world, certainly throughout the Western Hemisphere, being thin is a sign of beauty and strength.  Being overweight is considered unattractive, and a sign of weakness. It's just that simple.  Should it be that way?  No.  But it is.

When you lose weight, you move from a position of weakness to a position of strength.  Before losing weight, you were fat and non-threatening.  Now, you're thin and strong and have many advantages you previously didn't have.  This can be upsetting to those around us. 

Does a woman want her husband to be thin?  Yes, but she must also accept the fact that he will be far more attractive. The same is true, of course, for a man watching his wife lose weight.  All of a sudden, she has options.

Other people in your life will have their own problems with your weight loss.  Family members and friends want us to stay within our current identity boundary.  Jealousy quickly arrives when a member of the group achieves any significant improvement.

How many times have you heard, "Oh, you've done so well, you've lost ten pounds!  Go ahead and have some dessert!"

They would insist they are just offering you a reward, but you must recognize that their reward is sabotage.  No need to mention it to them, just be aware.

Even more often, we sabotage ourselves.

Have you ever lost a few pounds and then started rewarding yourself with 1000 calorie desserts?  We are often our own worst enemy.

Why do we do this?

There are many reasons.  For some people, overeating is a bad habit.  For others, it is a serious compulsion.  Most people fall somewhere in between and their overeating is based on emotional issues.

To simplify, we overeat as a coping strategy.  We have an issue, or a group of issues that leave us feeling empty or frightened or angry, and we cope with these issues by eating.

The issues generally originate in our childhood.  Abuse, neglect, ridicule, rejection - all the usual suspects.  There might be traumatic adult experiences involved (abusive relationships, violent military experiences, etc.)

There could also be adult issues that are strictly psychological, for example, sexual identity conflicts. 

But more often than not, the issues are from our childhood. 

Of course, it makes no sense to use overeating as a coping strategy.  Eating chocolate doughnuts doesn't change past abuse or current conflicts, but it does help the emotional pain. 

Some people think it is important to uncover the memories and get it all out in the open.  For others, getting it all out in the open is an interesting exercise, but the pain remains, and the need for a coping strategy remains. 

Most people, however, find there is value in looking back and seeing what can be discovered.

So why do we eat so much?

Excessive eating satisfies two distinct needs. 
It soothes the psychological pain.
And it makes us fat.

Human beings obviously have positive responses to eating good food.  Tastes good, feels good, gives us an instinctive feeling of security.  Altogether, good food makes us feel better.

And as mentioned earlier, overeating often helps us cope, much like addictions or other neurotic behaviors.  Emotional trauma fills us with a need to find emotional relief. 

One of our fundamental physical needs is food.  Hunger would eventually become a serious problem, but eating solves the problem of hunger quite well.  A very simple psychological projection can lead us to attempt to solve other emotional problems through eating, too.

But how does being fat figure into all this?

When a child is abused, he does not blame the abuser, he invariably blames himself.  This is simply human (childhood) nature.  He dare not imagine that his parental sources of food and shelter are bad people.  He always takes the blame onto himself, fueling immense self-hatred and shame.

Being fat as an adult offers an outlet for these negative feelings.  Human beings will always look for emotional expression, whether the need is to express positive emotions or negative emotions.  Being fat fills the need for emotional expression of self-hatred and shame. 

Here's something to know.  Most people look back on their childhood and say, "It just wasn't that bad.  There were some negative experiences, but so many people had it worse."

We aren't looking for extreme childhood abuse.  Children who suffer extreme forms of abuse become violent, psychotic adults.  They fill the prisons and mental hospitals.  This is not the level of abuse we are discussing.

You are most likely a productive adult functioning quite well on many levels in society.  You may also be 100 pounds overweight - but you are not a serial killer.

Abusive situations that seem relatively mild to an adult could well have been very traumatic to a young child.  Keep an open mind and remain sensitive to your memories of the child's feelings at the time, not today's adult's analysis.

If childhood trauma, self-sabotage, self-hatred, and shame are issues you would like to explore further, find a good psychologist and dig in. 

All this makes it sound impossible.

As long as we refuse to look at the real causes of our inability to lose weight, and to keep it off - it is impossible.

Being overweight serves a purpose. Overeating eases our psychological pain, and being fat reinforces and expresses our self-hatred and shame.

And when we do actually lose weight, the loss of our emotional relationships with friends and family is so painful, we often gain the weight back to gain their approval back.

Needless to say, these things all happen on a subconscious level.  We aren't consciously thinking about psychological pain and shame, neither are we consciously acknowledging our loved ones' rejection.  All these things happen without our conscious awareness.  They are nonetheless expressed through physical activity (eating too much) and the corresponding physical response (getting fat.)

So where do we go from here?

Let's assume at this point that the plan is to move ahead and start creating a new life. 

Nothing else gives me as much pleasure as food.

Nothing else?  That's too bad.  But there's a clue in the word pleasure.  Maybe pleasure isn't what life's all about.  There's nothing wrong with it, but it might not be a valid lifetime goal.

Accomplishment.  Success.  Fulfillment.  Satisfaction. 

At the end of our days, do we really want to look back and find nothing more to say about our life than, "I sure did eat a lot of good food." 

Can food be an addiction?

It can be.  Certain people need to approach weight loss from a different perspective.  For some people, overeating is a compulsion and should be treated as such. Compulsive behavior is not a bad habit or a lack of will power. It is a psychological disorder that needs to be addressed. 

Overeaters Anonymous is a  twelve step program that has many thousands of members in 65 countries around the world. They have a list of 15 questions to help you decide if you are a compulsive overeater. 

But I don't want to be hungry all the time.

You should never be hungry on a well designed diet.  The old starvation diet is a thing of the past.

We also need to remember the difference between being hungry and having cravings.  For some people, carbohydrates cause cravings.  You can never get enough.  If this sounds familiar, you might check out a low carbohydrate diet.  Once you break the cycle of craving carbohydrates, hunger won't be a problem.

I have a house to run and a family to feed.  I don't have the time to fix separate meals for myself.

If you are planning to improve your own diet, how about improving the entire family's diet?  They may not need to lose weight, but chances are they could eat a more healthy selection of food, and you could fix everyone's dinner at the same time.

Most people are pretty busy.  When a new activity comes along, something else has to go.  It's quite possible that you will need to find something to just not do anymore, in order to have the time to fix dinner for yourself and everyone else. 

Let's All Stay Fat

If you are a woman, you may not know it, but you have a secret agreement with your female friends. The agreement is, "Let's all stay fat."

Let's say you are a woman who is 5' 6" and weighs 180.  That's definitely overweight, but not quite obese, according to the National Institutes of Health Body Mass Index Calculator.

And let's say you decide to lose weight.  You tell your friends. They applaud and support you.  What they don't know is that you really mean it, and that your goal weight is 118.  That may sound thin, but it's still within the normal weight range according to the National Institutes of Health.  For someone who is 5' 6", 180 is the high end of overweight (but not obese), and 118 is the low end of normal.  Yes it is, go look it up.

When you start losing weight and get down to 170, there is nothing but encouragement from your friends.

When your weight drops to 160, everyone just can't tell you enough how great you look and how happy they are for you. 

When you get to 150, all your friends are amazed.  30 pounds!

When you get down to 140, they begin to say things like, "Well, I'm just going to look like a fat little pig standing next to you."  And they start offering rewards.  Cake.  Cookies.

When you get to 130, the friendships are beginning to cool off.  They will still talk to you, but the tone has changed.  They never actually say it, but, "Just who do you think you are?"

By the time you get to 125, the anorexia comments begin. "We're all worried about your health, dear.  Have you seen your doctor?"

When you reach your goal of 118 (still within the normal range) your friends will be gone.  Getting down to 150 or so was fine, but 118?  Do you realize what you look like?  You look . . . absolutely amazing!  That's the body you had in high school! You are fit and strong and feel great and look great!

You have broken the secret agreement.

When you make a decision to not only lose weight, but develop a thin, strong body, your life will change in many ways.  Most of your friends will abandon you.  They will feel betrayed.  You were all supposed to stay fat together.

This can be painful.  It will most likely include family members. This is something to think about before you get serious about weight loss.  The anger and disapproval can be devastating.

Do you want to stay fat so you can be a member of the group?  Or lose weight, get strong, and find a new life?

I just don't have the willpower.

That's not true.  You do have the willpower.  But you also have too many internal and external conflicts. 

Motivation

First, let's talk about your goal weight.  It has become quite common to set a goal weight that is still within the overweight category. People seem to think they will be more likely to achieve a small success than a large one.

For example, a man who is 5' 10" and weighs 200 might decide he needs to lose 20 pounds.  He will still be a solid, stocky 180.  One might wonder, why go to the trouble?  (Both of these numbers fall into the overweight category according to the National Institutes of Health Body Mass Index Calculator.)

How about losing 55 pounds and becoming a lean, mean 145? That would be totally insane, right?  No, it wouldn't. 145 is still well within the normal range for someone 5' 10". 

It might be much easier for this guy to lose 55 pounds than to lose 20 pounds.  Why?  Motivation.  Losing 20 pounds doesn't mean much.  Losing 55 pounds represents a whole new life.

No matter what you're doing, motivation comes from seeing a reward at the end of the work.  We need to see the potential for a dramatic improvement in order to feel motivated.  Just going from very fat to not quite as fat - doesn't cut it.

Conflicts

We talked earlier about the reactions of other people to our weight loss, and about the emotional issues within us that prevent weight loss.

Beyond those subjects, we will also find that our new body doesn't fit well with our old life.  Even more likely, we won't be able to achieve our new body as long as we continue with our old life.

Do you really want to lose 40 or 60 or 80 pounds and park that thin, wonderful body in front of the TV for the next 40 years? 

Not only do you not want to, you can't.  If you live the same lifestyle, you will gain all the weight back. 

Remember the secret?

Here it is again . . .

The secret is - You can't lose a significant amount of weight, and keep it off, without also making major changes in other areas of your life.

You simply cannot go from the high end of the overweight scale (or somewhere in the obese range) - all the way down to the lower end of normal . . .

And keep the weight off . . .

Without making other changes in your life.

This is the reason people always gain the weight back. 
All they do is lose weight.  That's not enough.

What else needs changing?

That will depend on what's going on with you.

Friends and family were mentioned above.  You may need to make changes in your relationships.  You might even need to make a change in your primary relationship.  These issues are unique to each individual. 

This doesn't mean you must leave all your friends and family.  It does mean, however, that you may have to go out on a limb by yourself, lose the weight, let the chips fall where they may, and redefine your role in these relationships.

What else?  There is one change that is always needed for a person serious about losing weight.  Moving from the slow, sedentary lifestyle of a fat person, to the faster, active lifestyle of a thin person.

First things first, however.  You need to discuss all your weight loss plans with your doctor, including your goal weight and your plan to develop an active lifestyle.  Do not make any changes to your diet or activity level without your doctor's permission.

But I hate to exercise!

Most of us do.  This has nothing to do with working out.

There are people who go work out at the gym, and they love it. They are thin and muscular and look great.  These people are not trying to lose weight.  They are working out because they love doing it, and they love the way it makes them look.

God bless them, more power to them, but that's not at all what we're talking about here.

An Active Lifestyle

People with thin, strong bodies use them.  They go places. They do things.  They don't sit on the sofa and watch other people's lives on TV, they actually have a life themselves.

If you want to lose a significant amount of weight and keep it off, you will need to develop an active lifestyle.  This means finding activities you enjoy that include getting up, getting out, and moving around. 

It must be something you like doing, and that has meaning to you. The reason is - you'll be doing it several hours a week.  That's what an active lifestyle is.  A lifestyle. 

More on this a little later.

First, consider some of the fundamental changes.

If you want to lose 10 pounds, you don't need to change anything.  But if you want to lose 50 pounds, or lose 100 pounds and create an entirely new life for yourself, you will need to look seriously at some areas that might need change.

Look at your primary relationship.

Would your husband or wife allow the relationship to continue if you were to achieve your ideal weight?  When you come home with a thin, fit body? Or will that break an unspoken agreement?

If it will break an agreement, first try to change that agreement.  But if that's not an option, consider the alternative.  Obviously, yes, this might even include a divorce. 

Seem drastic?  Well, are you saying that you are choosing to stay in a marriage that requires you to be fat?  And that you will continue to be fat in order to keep your spouse from becoming jealous or threatened?

Is that a marriage worth saving?

Be open to changes in your family relationships.

Will your mother or sister, father or brother, allow the relationship to continue if you achieve your ideal weight?  Or will they fight you every step of the way (after the first ten pounds or so.)  Many family members will simply not be able to accept your taking dramatic life changing action, particularly if they have weight issues themselves.

We can still love our family without sacrificing our lives for them.  If you are remaining overweight in order to avoid conflicts with family members, consider taking a good, hard look at your priorities.

Needless to say . . .

If you have a genuinely supportive spouse, significant other, or family group, you are blessed and these people will be your strongest source of encouragement.

All too often, though, changes do need to be made in relationships in order to make major changes in your life.

What about friends? 

This can be a tough one for both men and women.  A major reason is that we often eat with our friends. 

Whether through creation or evolution, human beings are group oriented.  In the past, we lived in tribes, and without realizing it, we still do.  Sharing food is something you do within the tribe. This is instinctive in all of us.  It forms a bond.

These days, we don't actually share the same food, we all go to the same fast food place together and order our own, but the principle remains the same.  Members of the tribe all eat the same food together.

What happens when one member of the tribe refuses?  What happens when one person says, "I don't eat like you anymore."  This breaks the instinctive tribal bond.

Your friends would tell you it doesn't matter what you eat - but it does.  This is human nature.  Particularly if you used to eat with the group, and now you are refusing to join in. 

In the beginning, they will go along with you.  Oh, that's right, you're on a diet.  (They know it won't last but a few days.)  As time goes on, however, it can make a difference.

They are not consciously rejecting you, but the tribal instinct is very powerful.  We think we're modern and sophisticated and above such things.  We're not.

Now with a genuinely close, personal friend this might not be an issue.  But the lunch crowd at work?  It can be a problem.

And this is before the weight loss happens, which brings all the other issues already discussed.

OK, other changes, like getting a new job. 

You might plan to get a new job as the weight comes off.  This is one way to change your environment and the daily social structure. A career change can work nicely with a new body.  You could also plan on a more active working lifestyle as you look for the new job.

Move across town.

This might help with the social structure.

Move to a new city. 

This can be drastic, but it can also solve a lot of problems.  You can get away from the people who know you as a fat person and make new friends as a thin person.  This certainly will not make you lose weight, but it can help you as you make all the other efforts of losing weight.

Or just see how things go.

If it becomes evident that relationships or friendships are going to threaten your weight loss, just be ready to let things change. You probably know right now which ones will support you, and which ones won't.

OK, now let's talk about the active lifestyle.

Once again, you need to discuss all your weight loss plans with your doctor, including your diet plans, your goal weight, and your plan to develop an active lifestyle.  The following ideas assume that your doctor has agreed with your plans and that he or she has also said you can make any lifestyle changes you want to make.

Walking.

For most people considering significant weight loss, creating an active lifestyle usually starts with walking.  Get out the door and do it.  If it helps to have a specific destination, find one.  Otherwise, just tour the neighborhood.  And the next neighborhood over.  And the one beyond that.

The distance and time you spend walking will depend on your age and health.  With your doctor's approval, think in terms of miles, not just around the block. 

Go somewhere that is meaningful, somewhere you want to be.  If you have the great outdoors available, go hiking.

Is walking by itself enough?  Could you actually lose a significant amount of weight with your only form of exercise being walking?  Yes.  Source: The Mayo Clinic.

Swimming.

This is a great way for a heavy person to get moving again. Obviously, weight is not an issue in the water.  You'll need a pool in which you can swim laps, swim some distance, not just float around and get wet.  Or, if you're lucky, you might have access to a lake that it suitable for swimming.  See what you can find.

Bicycling.

No - not that.  This is not about getting all dressed up in a spandex costume and putting a funny plastic sculpture on your head and riding all bent over with your nose between your knees.

You can get a great bike on which you sit up straight on a comfortable seat, wear normal clothing, and can ride for miles. (A helmet is still a good idea, but just get a normal one, not one of those weird "aerodynamic" things.)

Beware of the bicycle store salespeople.  They will try to convince you that you need to spend $3000 on a graphite composite frame to "maximize your performance."  Forget it.  Plan on spending around $450 for a bike, helmet, a good gel seat, and lights.

Riding a bicycle is a great, non-athlete activity.  And you can set the pace.  Ride slowly in the beginning, and then speed things up as you get stronger.  For a heavy person who spends his life lumbering around - a bicycle is a magic carpet.  It feels great to just glide along.

Golf.

Golf gives you a reason to walk.  An enjoyable walk with a purpose.  Yes, the swinging of the club will induce some movement, but it's the walking that will get you active.  You'll have a good time outdoors, people to talk to, all in a nice, green environment.

Tennis.

This is moving up a notch on the activity scale, but it's a game that is available to all ages and body types.  You could make the transition to handball as the weather changes.

Wait.  Wait.  Wait. 
You don't understand.
I don't have time for any of this.

Then forget about losing weight, get a half gallon of ice cream, sit on the sofa and watch TV for the rest of your life.

Keep reading.

Why is it necessary to exercise?

Your basal metabolic rate, the rate at which your body burns calories when it is at rest, is determined by many things, but a primary factor is your lean muscle mass.  More lean muscle equals a higher metabolic rate.  Source: The Mayo Clinic.

Now we all know that thin people have a fast metabolism and that fat people have a slow metabolism.  Right?  Actually, no. Source:  The Mayo Clinic. 

There are people with a slower than normal metabolism, but it is very rare.  In fact, most overweight people have an increased metabolism because they have more muscle mass in addition to fat.  Source:  The Mayo Clinic.

There is, however, a direct relationship between calories and weight.  If you consume 3500 more calories than you burn, you gain one pound of fat.  If you consume 3500 fewer calories than you burn, you lose one pound of fat.

So to lose weight, either consume fewer calories, or burn more calories.  Or a combination of both.

Exercise, obviously, burns calories.  So exercise helps with weight loss.  But is it necessary?

If weight loss is based on calories consumed vs calories burned, is there any significant difference between losing weight with a combination of diet plus exercise, or by diet alone?

No, there is no difference.  You can lose weight either way. Source: The Mayo Clinic. 

But . . .

How many times have you tried losing weight by diet alone? How well did it work?  How soon did the weight come back?

What is the real reason we need to exercise?

It changes the way we think. 
And the way we think controls everything we do.

Every calorie we consume is something we pick up and put in our own mouth.  Our brain controls everything we eat.  So if changing the way we eat feels like a battle - who are we at war with?  It can only be ourselves.  Our own brains.  More specifically, our subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind is entirely nonjudgmental.  It doesn't care what you are or what you do.  Its job is to support and reinforce the life you live.  The subconscious mind takes over and performs thousands of daily tasks.  Without it, you would have to consciously think about everything you do.

You would have to consciously place one foot in front of the other just to walk.  Driving an automobile would be a brand new experience every time you got behind the wheel. Nothing would happen automatically.  The subconscious mind makes everything it knows happen automatically.

The subconscious mind is a learning machine.  It's always observing your actions, but it does not understand words.  We can't explain our dreams and goals to it, requesting its cooperation.  The only way we can communicate with the subconscious mind is through our actions.

When you sit watching TV while eating a half gallon of ice cream, the subconscious mind fully supports your decision.  It reinforces that state of mind and guides you in that direction without your making any conscious effort.  It makes it easy. 

Your subconscious mind makes sure you remember to buy the ice cream, it knows exactly where it is in the store, and it knows when your favorite TV shows are on.  Your subconscious mind is your autopilot, running the program you have installed. 

If you get up off the sofa and walk a couple of miles, this will be a new experience and your subconscious mind will remain entirely nonjudgmental.  It will simply make a note of what happened. 

But if you go walkng again and again, your subconscious mind will learn that this new behavior is normal.  It will say to itself, "OK, this is who we are now."  And it will work to support and reinforce the new person you are becoming.

The real reason to create an active lifestyle for yourself is so your subconscious mind will learn the new way of life.  Going on a diet will not communicate this information, and your subconscious mind will diligently work against you every step of the way.  This is the battle you have been in every time you have tried to lose weight.

And - it will win.  Unless you communicate your new lifestyle to your subconscious mind - you don't have a chance.

That's very interesting, and I see your point.  It makes a lot of sense.  But really, I just don't have the time.

Then start thinking about what you are going to quit doing.  What is keeping you so busy?  Quit doing it.  Cancel it.  Resign.  Step down.  Tell them you won't be able to do that anymore.  Stop volunteering for everything you see on the bulletin board.  Make changes. 

A note to 10% of you.

There may be a few people who are:

working a full time job
working an additional part time job
caring for young children
caring for an aging parent
pursuing your dream of writing
AND have three dogs to feed

OK - it is possible to be too busy with genuine obligations. 

If that is the case with you, your lifestyle may be more active than you realize.  Work with a good diet, and keep moving.

For everyone else, keep reading.

OK, I'm not in that 10%, but I still have obligations.

No doubt you do. 

If you have the psychological issues already discussed, and those issues have brought on weight gain through the years, there is a good chance those issues have also brought on other coping strategies.

It is not uncommon for overweight people to completely cover themselves up with busy-busy-busy stuff.  They run every organization they are a part of.  They volunteer for everything they hear about.  They offer to bake the cookies, make the phone calls, drive the team, set up the tables, teach the class, sing in the choir, and sweep up afterwards.

They do this - well, you figure it out.  When one part of your life is out of control, it's just human nature to overcompensate in other parts of your life. 

So yes, you're a very busy person.  People depend on you. You're doing lots of things that help you feel valuable and important, to cover up the feelings of self-hatred and shame.

There's nothing wrong with doing this, but now it's time to make some changes.  You need the time to do other important things.

But isn't it selfish of me to take time for myself?

Do you hear what you're saying?  You are saying, "The reason I'm fat is because I care so much for other people that I just don't have time to lose weight.  I will always be fat because I'm such a loving, giving person." 

Go look in the mirror and say that with a straight face.

Then say, "The reason I am fat is because I have self-hatred and shame issues that I try to cope with by overeating.  These same issues cause me to throw myself at every possible activity that might bring recognition and applause.  If I don't do these things, I feel utterly worthless."

So yes, it's true.  You do not have time for this.

That's the point.  You must make time, and in order to do that, you must quit doing all the other coping strategy activities.

How many years have you been taking on ten times more than your fair share?  In order to feel valuable?

How has that worked out?  Feeling good yet?

Coping strategies only help us survive. 
They do not resolve the issues. 

OK.  Let's say I actually stop doing some other things and make the time to get active.  The thing is, I am not athletic at all.  I will look like an idiot trying to play golf or swim.

No, you won't look like an idiot.  You may feel like an idiot, but you will look like an overweight person in the process of changing your life.

In the beginning, it might be difficult.  It might not come naturally.  There is more of a learning curve with golf or tennis, so do the walking or swimming or biking.

OK, yes, swimming can be a challenge because you don't like the way you look in a swimming suit.  That can make it difficult.  If that's an issue for you, do something else.

Sooner or later, though, we all have to outgrow worrying that, "Everybody is looking at me and laughing."  They aren't.  Yes, they did when we were kids in PE class, but they aren't now. 

What else?

You can find lots of things that will get you moving.  Paint your house, put in a vegetable garden, redo your landscaping.  Do something that will not only get you moving, but will also give you a tangible result.

If things like yoga classes or dance classes appeal to you, then by all means go for it. 

What about the idea of working out at a gym?  Yes, strength training will help build muscle mass, and yes, a muscular body has a higher basal metabolic rate than a fat body.  If it appeals to you, then by all means join a gym. 

All too often, though, diet programs, magazine articles, and TV talk shows leave us with the impression that the only road to weight loss is huffing and puffing on big machines in a room full of size zero bikini models.  Not true at all.

There are many things you can do to create an active life for  yourself.  The point is to do them.

Communicate to your subconscious mind that you are a new person.  When you do, creating a new life will change from an uphill battle to a level playing field. 

In Summary

1.  To have true motivation, set a goal weight that will make a genuine difference in your life.  Get thin and fit and healthy.

2. The secret is - You can't lose a significant amount of weight, and keep it off, without also making major changes in other areas of your life.

3.  The people around us, while wanting to be supportive, will often (without ever realizing it) work very hard to sabotage our weight loss efforts. 

4.  We sabotage our own efforts as an expression of self-hatred and shame.  Until we work to resolve these issues, they will keep us from becoming the person we really are inside.

5.  We must create an active lifestyle for ourselves in order to communicate to our subconscious mind that things are different.  If we don't, it will work against us every step of the way, and it will win.

About thindecision.com

My name is Michael Covisi, and I am the author of this website.  I have no education, training, or credentials on the subjects of health, fitness, weight loss, or psychology.  This essay is nothing but my personal opinion on these subjects.

Your own emotional issues are at the core of your overeating; however, friends and family are often an even larger obstacle to overcome.  Some of them will completely reject you, often in subtle ways, but their anger will be evident.  It can be very painful.  Dealing with this rejection is a fundamental part of significant weight loss. 

On the other hand, becoming thin and fit opens doors and brings opportunities that you never had before.  You can fill your life with new people and experiences. 

The active lifestyle?  Yes, it really is necessary.  (My choice is bicycling.)  How many times have you lost weight only to gain it back?  I really believe maintaining the "fat lifestyle" is the reason.  Even if you lose weight, your subconscious mind is still programmed to get things back to "normal" which means fat.  Getting active will reprogram it, and then your subconscious will work to support your new lifestyle.

Goal weight?  My personal opinion is to set your goal on the lower end of the normal range on the body mass index scale. Make it a goal worth achieving.  Why go from very fat to still somewhat fat?  There's no motivation in that.  Go for thin and fit and healthy.

Have any thoughts on any of these subjects? 
I would like to hear from you. 

Michael Covisi